Let go. Let God.

My heart was in shambles, I must say, when this year kicked off.  Think: finding out that the guy you like (and someone you thought you might have a chance with) is gay; dealing with all the stress that your work brings; finding a new home; and admitting to yourself that there will always be this guy who you want to be with (and maybe spend the rest of your life with), but may not feel the same about you.  The events were a lot to take in, somehow making it possible to create riot with my inner self.  But fortunately, it did not.  Prayers did help a lot.  Making yourself busy and joking around with friends also allowed me to get past what I really feel inside.  There were times when I just want to scream, cry, go somewhere far.  I felt the need to be alone, hoping this would clear my mind and return to thinking clear and making sound decisions.

I think, sometimes, I overanalyze things.  Assumptions and expectations hit me, hurting me in the process.  I used to pray for what I want.  And then it brought me to the realization that maybe I am being selfish.  Maybe the one thing I have been asking for is not meant for me.  Soon enough, God, as great as He always is, gave me the answer.  One Sunday, when I celebrated mass, I felt that He was talking to me.  The priest said that when you pray, you must ask that His Will be done.  And for this you will know that what is given to you is what you truly deserve.  I am very thankful for that reminder.  Now I can say that my heart is finding its much needed peace.  I am determined to let go of the past and face the life that I am meant to live.

I am actually writing this to let out the excess baggage.  And hopefully, someone out there would learn something from this – that in every battle, God has His purpose of allowing it.  So let His Will guide you, let His Will be done.

_Anj <3